I wish I had a better memory but I just can't remember all the fights I had with my friends when I was in second grade. Elizabeth is struggling with that and I wish I could help her.
Yesterday's fight was because one friend told her she would not let Elizabeth pet her hamster when she brought it in for show and tell. It caused such hurt feelings that I even got an email from Elizabeth's teacher. She talked to both girls and got it worked out and I appreciated the heads up.
After I heard the whole story from Elizabeth's angle, I am not surprised she had hurt feelings. While they were fighting, another girl asked if she could pet the hamster and the other little girl said sure, you're my best friend. This really hurt Elizabeth and she got mean to get back. I listened and empathized and then I failed. I could not find the right words to tell her it didn't help to be mean. So, instead I asked her to do me a favor and the next time this happens, to take a deep breath and count to 10 before she replies. And I told her my feelings would have been hurt too and I understood why she was sad. I also commended Elizabeth for telling her friend and her teacher how her feelings were hurt, but its not ok to call her names. I don't think Elizabeth got it or understood what I was saying.
I am also pretty sure Elizabeth may have said or done something that this little girl was getting back at her with the hamster. My girl is not totally innocent and I don't always get the whole story. But Man... dealing with mean girls is tough and being the mom that has to help her through it is tough too.
The emotions were so high for Elizabeth that she said she misses China and her foster family. I don't know if she did at that exact moment when she was telling me about her day. But, the feeling of hurt reminded her of that pain maybe? But, we talk about them and have a box for art work that Elizabeth is putting stuff in. This weekend we are going to look for a card for them and she will write a letter to them in Chinese. I hope the Orphanage Director sends it on to them so they know how much Elizabeth misses them.
Just that morning she was telling me how she wanted to go to China and visit with them and save her money to buy a fan for her and baby clothes for the foster family. So, maybe that was on her mind when the hamster incident occurred. It is so hard to figure kids out and add to that the pain of losing your parents and foster parents to that mix.
This also made me remember my loss with my mom. This summer Elizabeth will be the same age I was when my Mom died. It amazed me when I realized that. We talk about my Mom some but I never really told them how young I was when she died. So, we will have a concrete example for them I guess.
Sorry for the rambling post. I am putting this out there hoping I can find a way to continue to help my girls through all this emotion. Normally girls have alot of drama but add the minefield of adoption to that mix and its amped up at times.
All I wanted to say to everyone was its a Freaking Hamster, get over it. But I didn't.
I also want to say sorry to my sweet niece Grace Ann. I mailed her birthday card out late and I feel really bad. All I can say is I have been sick but that is lame. Sorry Sweetie!
2 comments:
Joan, Hang in there. You are doing the right thing by listening to Elizabeth and letting her feel her sadness and hurt. Boy, it's not easy being a mother--but you're doing a great job.
I've been trying to remember fights with friends growing up, but I don't remember having them that early either.
My daughter (6) came in the house sobbing hysterically today (she's not much of a cryer so I knew she was really hurting) because she and the neighbor friend had some kind of fight that resulted in my daughter's face being shoved into a snow bank.
And between sobs she says "Why do I have to have so many friends, when all they do is hurt my feelings?".
Ouch. All I could do was listen and hold her. The neighbor came over and apologized, but she was crying too - I think there were two sides to the story, and that my daughter contributed too. She apologized as well without me asking.
Hugs to you while remembering your mom.
Post a Comment