Who was my first Mom?

The questions are coming fast and furious from Ella.  Alot of them are related to her Moms and how to name them. 

Last night Ella was asking me so many questions about how my Mom got Cancer.  My day had been busy with a dentist appointment thrown in so I asked her if we could do question time later.  I have answered this question many times for her but just didn't have the energy to go another round.  I also get uneasy because I am not sure how to answer it. I don't want my girls to worry that I will get sick but I know they deserve an honest answer. 

But, after I said let's wait... I realized that was not a great way to handle it... even if I was tired.  I never want my girls to not ask me questions.  So I am going to toughen up and give answers when asked.  I kept thinking that I don't remember asking many questions about my Mom when I was little to my Dad and maybe it was because when I did, Dad was busy and then I just quit asking.  Or maybe I am more like Elizabeth and just left some questions unasked.  I am working with both of my girls so they know I will answer the questions no matter what.  So, sorry Ella.  Next time you ask about my Mom and Cancer I'll give you the best answer I have even if I am tired.

This morning Ella asked again, "who was my first Mom?  Was it my Foster Mom?"  Nope honey, your first Mom was your  birth Mom... she carried you in her tummy.  "What was her name?"  I'm sorry Ella we just don't know.  "Ok"  "Who is my forever Mom?"  That would be me hun.  but your birth Mom is always your mom too... even if we don't get to see her again.  "Ok"  "My foster Mom took care of me too right?"  Yup... she took care of you until I got you.  "Ok"

We were running late this morning and when I dropped the girls off at school Before Care was ending.  Ella was clingy so I walked her to her room.  I gave her lots of hugs and kisses before I hung up her jacket and started leaving.   As I was walking down the hall, Ella was running after me crying.  I walked her back in and hugged her more and then her teacher came over to distract Ella and help her.   

I know Ella is fine but its so hard to know if my help is even touching the hurt when the hurt is so deep.  And Elizabeth was a little younger when she starting asking questions about her foster Mom.  So the processing continues and I will hold you both and tell you what I know as long as you need me to.