Struggling

2011

Time to make changes for me

I don't like the way I look or feel. 

I don't like spending alot of our family time in the van

I don't like not having fun

I don't have enough time in the week to get ahead of the big list in my head. 

I am not enjoying my time at work

I don't like that my dad has Parkingsons

I don't like seeing him decline

I don't like hearing Ella realize her missing tooth makes her feel different. 

I don't know how to help her deal with the frustrations of life.  Once in a while Angry Ella pops back in.  And it makes me wonder.  Is there something going on she is feeling anxious about?  But once in a while she will overreacte to something I ask her to do.  Today it was her homework.  I told her she needed to write her numbers better.  She cried that she didn't want to live with us anymore.  How can a little girl go from loving me to so sad?  And just a few minutes later she was hugging me and giving me the Ella love. 

Elizabeth is so strong and then once in awhile she turns from me - is it because she is 9 and growing up or is it because I am not meeting her needs? 

Reminder to me to pray to God for help and guidance during all this strife in our life

Dear Lord,
Please help me accept your plan for Dad.  Please help me to push myself to eat better and lose weight and please help me bring my daughters back home to my heart.  I love them and worry they don't know it as well as they should.