Friday I got to school a little early. Elizabeth was in her after care class until 5 (Mad Science) so I sat with Ella at the Kindergarten table.
A few of the girls had questions for me.
Where is Ella's real mom?
Why was she adopted?
Is her sister adopted too?
Why didn't she stay with her real mom?
Who is her real mom?
I tried to answer the questions as generally as I could. But, most telling was Ella's reaction to the discussion. She just continued drawing and coloring and didn't say much. They did ask her where her real mom was and Ella said Right Here and she pointed to me. :-)
One of the girls also said that Ella told them she was found in a forest and that her mom had another daughter. None of that is true to my knowledge so I told them that. At that point Ella piped up and said it was because of the hole in her lip. We talked about that too. I told them all we don't know why parents can't keep their birth children but that I am Ella and Elizabeth's forever mom. Then I started asking the girls questions like what is your Dad's name and when is your birthday and they got bored and went back to coloring.
On the way home I talked to my girls again about what we know and don't know about their history. I asked if they had questions and we discussed those too. Elizabeth gave her opinion on what foster families are and Ella listened.
Thank you for the reminder God to continue talking to my girls even if we have had the conversation google plus times.
p.s. This discussion could be why when Ella got mad at me later she said she wanted to go back to China and didn't want me to be her mom anymore. The whole time she was saying that she was hanging on to my neck and sobbing. And this was all because I made her take a bath. So she is processing and I am still glad we chatted again and again.
3 comments:
Joan, You handled the situation with your usual grace. The questions are difficult and the answers even more complex. You did a great job. As I've said before, our girls come to us with a story. It is up to us as mothers to help them process it and share what they want with the world. Cheers to you and your girls...Greta.
Wow!!! Very teary-eyed at the moment....
Oh, these dear sweet daughters of yours....sigh!
I think you handled the situation wonderfully! The girls who asked the questions are curious....I love that...and I love that you were able to educated them and give them truthful answers.
Our daughters...some of the bravest girls on earth...don't ya think? Your Ella reminds me so much of my Shea....
The processing, it's hard...it's exhausting...it's painful...
It's wonderful that she can process and talk freely with you!
That is what moms are for, right?
Thanks for sharing!
Bless little Ellas heart. These are such hard conversations. You did a great job mama joan!
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